Tag Archives: snark

Best Friend Boundaries – What Even Is That?

Poor Bestie. This one happened this week. Autocorrect? Or maybe just me skipping words. Who knows. Either way.

text ps3

He’s lucky. Being my best friend comes with the perk of saying: what the actual fuck is she saying? at least once a day. If not more.

And now I can make “poop” an official tag on my blog. Great My parents – they’re so proud.

Disappointment

I’m at a funeral. I see this book.

image

I was hoping I’d open it up and see blank pages or “mommy drinks a lot more” as an answer.

#disappointment as it’s just a book that really tries to explain death and funerals to children in a responsible and on-their-level way.

I still stand by my belief that they should make a smart ass one for people like me.

Please provide your best snarky answer to this book’s question to appease me.

Update: we just left. I am banned from funeral homes according to Bestie* and Alice* due to my spotting the “Losing Your Mom” pamphlet as we exited and loudly exclaiming “what, like at the mall?”

*names changed to protect the not so innocent as they also laughed.

Fixed It!

I saw this on Twitter, this evening:

image

So sweet, right? And rubbish. Because,  at my ripe old age, with my busy schedule? I dream of this, instead:

image

But, as all girls do – I also dream bigger than just that. I long for even more.

image

Sounds like a good Sunday to me.

I was going to send this and then thought….it’s okay to dream. But you also have to be realistic. Life isn’t always a fairy tale. So I made it more true to life. And, I have to say, I think I nailed it.

image

Yeah. That’s a good summary. But I still think the sleeping in that late part is a bit far fetched. It’s worse than a Sandra Bullock romcom. Sounds great, but never gonna happen.

Shark Tank Look Out

This isn’t a surprise to those who know me, but my phone is too full of pictures. I had to delete over 1500 last night to finally get the latest upgrade.

As I slowly go through them, I find some great screenshot pics. I imagine I started saving them to share with all you, but my new job is so amazing I forget to be snarky here.

This one is when Bestie was at his parents’ house and texted me about his father. I know the rest of the conversation was probably amazing. But I didn’t save that. ….of course

image

That Shit Is Cray.

I learned two important lessons today: my phone only keeps 20 messages in a group (which means I can’t screen shot this one for you) and that #9 seems to be keeping true to her roots of “wtf” at my old job.

Here’s a rundown of what I saw in my phone on my break at new job.

Seamstress: #9 said if she eats Taco Bell she will be in the bathroom for days.
Me: She’s an oversharer. First day on the job;  I love serial killers. First day at new desk;  Taco Bell makes me run for the border – of the bathroom.
Seamstress: and she says “this shit is cray cray.”
Me:

image

New Girl: And her friend who just got hired here and #9 say “love you!!!” when they see each other.
Me: Like at the office?  In public?
Seamstress: Yes. …and yes.
Me:

image

Good to know nothing has changed in the 24 work hours since I left.

And Then Shit Got Serious….

Today is  my last day in the office. I start my new gig on Monday. Bosshole waved as he walked out yesterday – goodbye or good luck. Not even a bat of the eye, honestly. There wasn’t much fanfare for someone who worked with me for 13 years. But as a bonus, he did forget something at work and texted me to please bring it to him after my shift ended.

Spoiler alert: I didn’t.

But on to bigger news. I am on my way to being an adult, leaving my job of 13 years and starting a new one.

Know how I know? I just cleaned all my juiceboxes out of the work fridge and shoved them in  my bag. Adulthood, here I come.

…but I can bring a juicebox, right?