Poor Bestie. This one happened this week. Autocorrect? Or maybe just me skipping words. Who knows. Either way.
He’s lucky. Being my best friend comes with the perk of saying: what the actual fuck is she saying? at least once a day. If not more.
And now I can make “poop” an official tag on my blog. Great My parents – they’re so proud.
I was working an event at a middle school awhile ago and ended up having to text Bestie about how marvelous that day turned out for me.
Middle school wasn’t terrible – when I was IN middle school. Now it’s just pure agony.
I’m going through my work phone, clearing off old pictures and finding some amazing screenshots that I forgot all about. Here’s one from about 5 months ago that made me laugh again. How in the hell can Foxy still like me? At least I threw in a real “concern” about her plight at the end?
I saw this on Twitter, this evening:
So sweet, right? And rubbish. Because, at my ripe old age, with my busy schedule? I dream of this, instead:
But, as all girls do – I also dream bigger than just that. I long for even more.
Sounds like a good Sunday to me.
I was going to send this and then thought….it’s okay to dream. But you also have to be realistic. Life isn’t always a fairy tale. So I made it more true to life. And, I have to say, I think I nailed it.
Yeah. That’s a good summary. But I still think the sleeping in that late part is a bit far fetched. It’s worse than a Sandra Bullock romcom. Sounds great, but never gonna happen.
Co-worker (herein referred to as Foxy) text me to say she’d be at my site shortly and would I and/or BossLady like something from Starbucks.
I usually say no. Today, not so much. Instead, this happened.
When she dropped it off she said, “When I ordered it that way, there was dead silence on the other end of the intercom. And then so much laughter.”
You’re welcome, world. I showed up today.
I learned two important lessons today: my phone only keeps 20 messages in a group (which means I can’t screen shot this one for you) and that #9 seems to be keeping true to her roots of “wtf” at my old job.
Here’s a rundown of what I saw in my phone on my break at new job.
Seamstress: #9 said if she eats Taco Bell she will be in the bathroom for days.
Me: She’s an oversharer. First day on the job; I love serial killers. First day at new desk; Taco Bell makes me run for the border – of the bathroom.
Seamstress: and she says “this shit is cray cray.”
Me:
New Girl: And her friend who just got hired here and #9 say “love you!!!” when they see each other.
Me: Like at the office? In public?
Seamstress: Yes. …and yes.
Me:
Good to know nothing has changed in the 24 work hours since I left.
Well, my replacement is here at work. She was to be hired for another job, but when I put in my notice they offered her mine instead yesterday. Apparently she has no brain, as she said yes. So she’s job shadowing me the rest of the week. Yesterday, we decided we couldn’t call her New Girl since New Girl will always be New Girl. I had no idea how we would figure out a nickname for her so quickly. But never fear. I’ve established one.
She seems timid. And a bit overwhelmed. But maybe she’s just harnessing all of her energy. Because out of nowhere she whips around in her chair, as I’m on the phone and looks at New Girl and says: Do you know that you walk by 8-7 serial killers in your lifetime?
New girl stammers out an “uhhh…” and my replacement excitedly finishes her statement with “I love serial killers. I’m basically obsessed with them.”
While I can understand the allure of reading and learning about humans who are different than us? I would not share this on my first day. Before lunch. I hadn’t even had time to eat my peanut butter and jelly before I started to worry about my co-worker’s lives.
Allow me to introduce: Nine…..Because she could very well be the #9 serial killer I passed in my life.
Edit: My mother just asked me how things were going via text. When I explained how I am going to call her nine, she responded with: Is she sitting close to you. Don’t tell her where you live
So, this morning I resigned from my job. It went better than anticipated. I suppose it helps when it feels like your Bosshole, if able, would do backflips when you told him. Boss’ boss was sad and not at all mean, which helps, too. The best part of it all is the responses from the people around me. My day, at work, has been filled with fist bumps and high fives. People are happy for me. My friends and family are even better.
Here are a few responses from an email to a group of friends:
And then there’s this one, from my group chat with SnarkSibling and SnarkyMom. I love that my mother had to tell me she and my dead father are proud of me. And that she had to use all caps to express her joy.
And then we have jokes for days Jester, who thinks he’s hilarious. Okay, fine. He is.
Fellow co-worker, affectionately (or actually annoyingly) called “work boyfriend” by fellow coworkers sent me this one:
And then the ever present and wonderful Bestie. 
I have been sad to say goodbye to sharing an office with New Girl, Seamstress, and Blondie. They are the perk that makes coming to work enjoyable. But don’t worry, New Girl left me with another little nugget of wisdom.
NG: I’m sad to see you go.
Me: Me too!
NG: We will have to stay in touch.
Me: Definitely, I will miss–
NG: That way you can hire me at your new place if you really like it, because it sounds like my dream job.
Me: Right. Yes.
You know you’re making a good decision when your friends, family, and co-workers are happy for you. And when your Bosshole doesn’t even blink an eye when you tell him. He had silent joy though. Trust me. Heh.
I am cleaning off my work phone for the inevitable, gtfo moment that will transpire next week when I tell them I found another job.
I dumped all my pictures and found some great screenshot moments I had saved and forgotten. Here’s a gem from SnarkSibling.
Apparently I never responded when my they said my mother called 911 for my father. But most importantly, the succession of texts together? Fantastic.
I’m dying, I need a slurpee. Stat.
We have a trainer here at work. I’ve been looking forward to learning from him. Fast-forward to today. I am looking forward to him leaving.
Before he left our office a few minutes ago….
Trainer: Tomorrow we will role play.
Me: You didn’t even buy me dinner and movie first.
New Girl: Heh. Heh. Role Play.
I’m afraid she’s going to show up in all leather tomorrow, guys.
Snark In Spades 